Finding Closure

Finding Closure

When seeking advice after a tough breakup, you’ve probably heard the same thing from your friends, family members, and loved ones. “You just need closure.” But what does that really mean? And what can you do if you feel like you never got the closure you needed from your ex? Some examples include, giving back your ex’s stuff, delete them from social media, and trying to spend less time with your mutual friends. But if it’s been years since the breakup and you’re still hurting, you may need to take other steps.

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Exercising Closure:

One thing you can do, is to write a letter. Now this letter will not be given to anyone, that’s the important part! But the key is to NOT HOLD ANYTHING BACK! Visualize that you will be sending this letter and you are finally able to say all the things that hurt you, that made you cry, that frustrated you or the opposite. Visualize an apology, and explanation of why you acted the way you did. So you have that cathartic moment without actually interacting face-to-face.

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The point of this exercise, is to get everything out. When you feel you have put enough energy, time and emotion into the letter, it is now time to get your closure! Go outside in a safe space and set the letter on fire, rip it up, tear it to pieces, get rid of it! But do not keep it! Keeping this letter, is still holding on and the point of the letter is to let go!! It is important to try to make ourselves feel better! Sometimes we have to recognize where the pain and grief are coming from and just let go! It truly is up to you, to make peace with it and move on!

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I have personally used this method and recommend it to a lot of my clients and friends. It seems to work! Sometimes it may take you several times to write the letter, or days to finish it. And that is OK! Take the time you need, the more energy and work you put into this, the better the outcome!

Nicole Bucher
Nicole Bucher